i close my eyes sometimes n i wonder...i wonder where it all started... than i realized it started when i left the womb. when they refused to get that abortion....when they refused to give me up.i remember to this day...those horibble years that only got worse n worse....when i was about 3 i lost all contact with my parents. they didnt care what i did or where i was at anytime.....i remember having nothing....feeling so lonely so unloved. my family consisted of me n my older friends. they were all 16 n basicly lived on the streets. they took care of me they cared if i lived or died. i close my eyes n thank them, thank them for caring to a degree. i remember i got a dog when i was 4 he was a good dog he was my protector, he was my mentor...but it went down hill none the less. i started smoking when i was about 7 years old n i had been drinking little by little since i was 5. when i was bout 6-7 my mom had my little brother... i loved him so much..he was my blood he was who i was suposed to be. i took good care n mad sure he wasnt me. we soon moved out the 2 family house we rented into a bigger house we owned. my mom was home more often but i didnt care. she was never there for me when i needed her so she doesnt need to be there now. she tried to make it up to me by buying me toys n showering me with my every want, but what i had needed was a mother what i needed was a father, a mother who loved me who was there for me, i father who loved me n was there for me. as they began to realize i wasnt accepting there apology they became frustrated. n decided to take offense n take it out on me. this is where my drug addiction began... n where i became suicidle....



Tomarrow ill have another post to continue my story....please if anyone has any advice for me please let me knw ive reached the largest depression of my life right now n i need some guidence n help

Raph