yea....jus keep reading....is this all i ever do now...is sit here days n days on end....i dont sleep. i dont eat. where am i going in life?? im jus on a steady pace down hill. im gunna crash into the big brick wall....n i honestly cant wait. ive treated myself like i was worthless i killed myself with drugs n alcohol. im falling down a hole i sat there n dug for myself. n i cant wait till i hit rock bottem because im gunna keep diggin cause thats all i knw how to do nowadays. i have no friends family abandoned...so when is that flaming chariot coming for my dead body. im ready to go, i aint got nothing to live for anymore...im slowly killing myself anyway. so jus burry me alive n ill try n rest in peace. but ill jus be here falling n falling n falling waiting to see that light...to see that magical angel in the sky flying down to save me to right my wrongs n to take me home....somewhere i belong...but till than ill keep falling and falling n falling. n when ive hit the bottem ill dig n dig n dig till im nothing but a sad memory n fade away....


and ive always wondered why.....why did i have to be born...why did i have to be the mistake.....why do i have to pay the price of a broken families own selfpitty....why did i have to have no mother or father...why me...why. ive taken my fathers, and grandfathers path down there lives drink do drugs n die. n ive always wondered what id be like id i was different...maybe if my mom didnt treat me like a mistake..maybe if my father was a real one...maybe if my little brother didnt have to come help me put my own needles down....if i wasnt such a fuck up would i be a better person? i dare not speak in the precense of my parents in fear of what lies to come...im on thin ice mentally physically n emotionally...n i dont knw how much longer till i decide to break the ice...pull the trigger....jump of that edge....ive been so alone n so cold...my only friends where those little people who taunted me n laughed at me after a few dosages....n why do they still haunt me? i down bottles to sooth my heart ache after everymorning....i sit there n cry sometimes....i sit there n cry all night...my father told me i could never cry...ever since i was little.....n when there sleeping i feel little tears trinkle down my cheek...i close my eyes n have plesent dreams of me drowning n dying a slow painful death....n nightmares of being locked up in a cage in this house forever. is it my fault? do they rele hate me for exsisting...? is it my fault i still live n  i still breathe? i wanna close my eyes n escape this reality that ive come to be....so mommy how r u today? when u left me all alone u took a piece of me away. and daddy how r u today? you worked so hard but left me in my wake......